i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
