We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Randomize
