Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
Operation Purity has been aborted
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
