You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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