alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Randomize
