Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
