Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
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