I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
