Will you blow on my dice?
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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