I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
