Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Randomize
