Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Randomize
