I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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