I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Randomize
