the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
