I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
