RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Randomize
