My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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