Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
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