The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
Randomize
