we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
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