my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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