we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
