I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
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