i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
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