So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
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