used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
Even my vagina gasped.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
Randomize
