I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
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