does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
of course. lets lasso hookers.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
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