She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Randomize
