bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
pray to the hookup gods
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
