What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
Randomize
