when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
I should be sponsored by Trojan
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Randomize
