if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Tornado booty call.. dedication
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize
