The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
not ubering you a puppy
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
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