i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
Randomize
