So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
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if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
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That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
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