Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
I didn't notice because vodka
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
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