so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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