the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
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