So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
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