just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
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