I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize
