So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Randomize