btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize
