i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Randomize
