the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Randomize
