I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Randomize
