Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
