I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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