Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
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