I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize
