If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
