i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
Randomize
