Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
