I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
