You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
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