So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
i love accidental penises.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Randomize
